Should You Address Harassment Directly?

Regardless of what you decide to do, it is important to document the incident. (Download Documentation Templates)

• Check your employee manual on the policy and process for reporting harassment.
• Make notes about pertinent parts of the policy or process.
• Determine the type of harassment and discrimination you are experiencing or witnessing HERE.
• Determine the level of harassment you are experiencing by checking the Harassment Meter.

Only you understand the dynamics at work and in your personal life. It is important to evaluate all the information and put it into context with your life.

• Who are your allies? This can be a witness, your boss, a co-worker
• What type of relationship do you have with the person who harassed you? Is it purely professional, friendly, contentious, third party, etc.?
• What is their standing and status at the company?
• What is your company culture regarding harassment?
• What is the likelihood the problem will be resolved without escalation?
• How comfortable are you with initiating difficult conversations or conflict resolution?

Create an outline of all the potential benefits and risks of addressing harassment directly:

• What are the risks and benefits of inaction? Of communicating directly? Of escalating the issue to your boss or HR?
• Here are some potential benefits and risks to consider:

Envision the outcome you desire. This will help you define your goals. Look at all possible outcomes to give you clues as to whether communicating directly is something you are comfortable doing. Think about all possible outcomes including positive, negative, and worst case scenario. Do a gut check as you write these possible outcomes down. Here are some possible outcomes:

• The problem is resolved (YAY!)
• Harassment continues
• Harassment gets worse
• Retaliation

Have a goal in mind to keep you on track before, during and after your meeting.

• What is your goal for addressing harassment directly?
• What type of acknowledgement do you need to hear for your complaint to be resolved?
• What type of commitment do you want in order for this problem to be resolved?

Evaluate your boundaries. Be specific about the boundaries that were crossed. Be clear and specific about your boundaries moving forward. This will be key information to communicate during your meeting.

• What boundaries were crossed?
• What boundaries need to be respected going forward?

Part of feeling confident in a meeting like this, is leaving as little to chance as possible. Unfortunately you can only control what you say and how you say it. Write down a script and practice what you want to say out loud. Practice in the mirror. Practice with a friend. You can script out what you will say if your complaint is dismissed or minimized as well.

Here is a script outline you can use:

1. I wanted to talk with you about what happened [at location or date].
2. Briefly summarize behavior.
3. Summarize how their behavior impacted you. Use “I” statements where possible: “I feel that type of joke is inappropriate for work. I felt uncomfortable when…”
4. Provide the resolution you need to see: “I would like an apology.” “I think an apology to the team is in order.” “This behavior needs to stop immediately.”
5. Take a moment to listen to their response.
6. Once a resolution has been committed to, provide an incentive for moving on: “Thank you for your commitment to [resolution]. I look forward to putting this incident behind us.”

Get more ideas here: Scripts to Address Harassment Directly

• Request a meeting to ensure you have privacy to talk without interruption.
• If you have a witness with you, this may make the other person defensive, and inhibit your goal of reaching a resolution. It can also give you a witness to your meeting. Before your meeting, coordinate with your witness about what their role in the meeting will be. During your meeting, explain the purpose of their attendance.
• Sending a meeting request. This creates a record of the meeting.

• Once you are in the meeting, there is no need to engage in small talk. Dive right in, so you are not sidetracked by work business or other issues.
• Use your script. If you practiced, this should act as a security blanket, and reduce some of your anxiety.
• Be clear with your proposed resolution.
• Be clear regarding your willingness to move on.

• Listen to objections, explanations or excuses that are used to dismiss or minimize your complaint.
• Listen to how your complaint is received and addressed.
• Listen for a commitment to your proposed resolution.
• Listen to questions asked or alternative proposed resolutions.
• Listen for a clear agreement and resolution.

• Confirm the meeting resolution.
• If there is no resolution, tell them you will need some time to digest what was said in the meeting and leave. Do not threaten further action.

• Send an email with meeting summary.
• Document the meeting (see template HERE)
• Confirm they follow through on the their agreed to actions.
• Wait and see – watch for continued behavior, retaliation or positive resolution.